l'histoires

I was shown an alt timeline in my sleep just before I woke up this morning. I've been shown a few other things lately, but I mostly don't remember them. This is one I'll definitely never forget.

I'm in the harder timeline right now. This earth I'm on, this life I'm in, this me I am. Very much harder. I could have stayed in the other, I think, but although it was more pleasant, it didn't feel right. A person I knew turned out differently and I felt sad about it, and that is when I was given my choice. I didn't hesitate coming back to this timeline.

I think the other timeline is valid. I think it's possible that timelines are still being reintegrated after some kind of disaster. I think the way it is all being collapsed back down for restart, if you will, is up to us.

If all are valid and all are important, how do we know what to choose?

By what is in our hearts. We are stories. We grip the Writer to write our tales. We create by being, easy enough perhaps, but the harder the story is to tell, the more gripped we are to tell it.

That other timeline was also missing a person. I can't even imagine giving that person up for a better easier life.

meanwhile, behind the merry christmas cheer

I'd not heard this before. Sounding sad saying happy. Touche, Gotham fan. Salut, and we'll see if it's a happy new year.

I broke my ice cream law big time

So the week dad was on hospice I ate a gallon of ice cream during the last 48 hours and was holding steady at half a pot of coffee a day. I haven't done that myself in literally ten+ years. And I wasn't even there.

And then it was over and today I'm back to normal, like I was this time last year. Like the coffee switch got turned back off.

Whoever did this needs some applause. Oswald is like Santa on very dark crack. I'm a tie watcher, it's been fun looking up the different vintage ties during rewatch.

timing is everything

sick

Actually, I woke up feeling very sick.

Delayed processing slo-mowed me down again. I think understanding where the violence comes from needs to be disentangled from the more orthodox textbook psychological conditioning backgrounds to truly see the sick twist of innocence.

As distasteful as I find discussing the more mundane filth of this world, I may wind up having to in order to bring another mind to the quicksand of faith induced miasma. Please attach every historical nuance to that word.

I am fine for now

I miss my early quiet mornings.

I'm this blind.

I really can't feel anything most of the time.

Imagine how many ways a person can be blind inside, and just trying to talk to their self.

mind

One thing I find intriguing to think about is how messed up the idea is that Source wants to experience all possibilities of existence and how that leads to right vs wrong being superseded by the simple logistic of it all goes back as information anyway and therefore is all equally valid.

How sick is it that any being would want to experience the twisted grossness of perversion in all its dark and lurid forms, especially sheer pleasure driven by chemical spikes within a broken system.

And what Person would even want to bring that back as experimental information?

Granted, that opens up the glorious tragedian traditions, and the deeper visions of the grace and mercy we all strain toward, but was it really worth it?

And I could go on like that, but what I bring to that convo is the understanding of a broken mind. If a person could watch this video and understand the words and ideas all coming from within one single mind experiencing the same thing from several angles, would the question not arise that sickness itself might not be the desirable way to interpret what we experience?

Because it's just sad that I see this as a futile attempt at my own inner communication within a much wider picture of us all being fragments of an even higher mind getting no further with self understanding than I am. Unless the conclusion would be that somewhere, this must all stop before it is swallowed up entirely, consumed with interpreting experience as the end goal.

I'm frustrated that higher human thoughts keep going in circles.

All the same, this actually is a really good visual of what living in my mind is like, endlessly arguing with itself.