holding on tight

I have thoroughly research tapering gabapentin. I'm obviously physically dependent. I'm going down 100 mg per week, which is way slower than suggested taper on several medical sites. It's definitely screwing my 'mood problem' as noted in my medical portal. Other users have noted tapering more slowly than that and it still being hellish.

I can't describe it better than that, except to add that my head feels like a rubber doll head being slowly forced inside out. It's not like a headache. More like a weird emotional migraine.

I stayed in bed most of the day after not being able to sleep half the night and still got stuff done ok. I don't even know how. Well, I do know. One of me chipped in and got me up, but not until I acknowledged and let me. I consciously handed my body over to another me and now I'm just sitting here watching. Numb.

This me goes way back. This is how I got through high school.

I'm cutting it super close on the taper. I'll make it to the neurologist appointment with 2 pills left. That's right. I mathed. Mathing pills is a crucial survival skill.