So at this point, from the big 2012 coming back out public and the 2013 burst into a social media platform, the controlled kamikaze spiral over 2018 and the final leap off in 2019 has just about wiped me out from having any platform at all. Severe photobucket fail has started hitting the older blogs, with no way in months (yet) to rectify any of it. Xanga is left hanging as I've reallocated financial resources to more permanent littlelexx.net salvage and real life needs. Like my new glasses this year. Very 'spensive. Apparently started sleepwalking a few weeks ago without tearing my cpap off first like I usually do in my sleep and flipped that entire thing over upside down on top of my glasses, so I get to spend the next 3-4 years in rescued eyewear. Bent it back into wearable shape.
We're 2 3/4 years into two families in one house, still amicable, but I think we're all exhausted from it and ready for new arrangements. And the last five months with my dad dying triggered that special mental illness highlight into stranger territory, so 2020 will see me learning more about dissociation and all its fun little implications in the maze-puzzle of my life.
Right now I'm barely even regretting never conquering my Lexx project list. That could have been glorious. Still probably can, but the really sad part of everything is that anything I love doing has been so constantly interrupted for so many years that, if you consider all the weird challenges I've waded through, it's amazing I have anything out there at all.
Yes, I am still writing. Still checking in. Not keeping up with much more than my immediate vicinity.
My entire life feels like this video. It's been running over and over. Thanks to stress, every day I crave alcohol (nearly 30 years sober), vicoden (5 years clean), and even anesthesia. I have been getting mildly high resetting my gabapentin after another nasty flare in the middle of slow taper. The flare is over, starting over with the taper.
Over the many years I learned to ask- What do I want? And what am I willing to do to get it?
Over the last few years I've learned to let that go for higher purposes, to help others survive well, making sure group support keeps us all intact. We're all tired, yes. I don't regret it. I can't regret it.
But when I'm alone I see the alt timelines, and they are glorious.
By the way, I know the question "Where did Pinky go?" has been left hanging. Pinky quite literally has stepped back. Pinky is a control personality, an interface. That has been explained in previous blogs. But yeah, literally, Pinky is on braincation.
So who is typing?
Yeah. Good question. A good chunk is stuck in private because I'm not caught up on fees there, but the surveys migrated to Surveypalooza. Everything before here, here, and here is pre-Pinky.
Pinky was popular because Pinky did everything wrong. They say blogging about yourself is a no-no. Well, Pinky got crazy popular, way more than all my Lexx material online combined, and went viral in several countries. Pinky tweets were published in several pop culture websites in several countries, Pinky reviews went a little crazy on twitter here and there (a few directors interacted), and Pinky had a jolly good time learning how narcissistic depression blogging can make math stats and maps **fun**.
But Pinky isn't typing now.
And the platform burned.
And the surprises just keep on coming.
Yablo says we should end on a happy note. Yablo likes happy stuff. Janik likes this one. We'll play this one.
I've got a legal name change coming up in 2020. Might get interesting.
Love you guys.
Mel tweeted at me yesterday. Holly texted me pix over Christmas. Lurkers still show up here and there. Found out a couple months ago I'm actually more famous than I even imagined with the stat trackers I used to employ. I got off the tracker train. Done with those. Done with tags. Done with analytics.
I'm here for me, and for anyone who wonders what I'm up to.
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| click pic for source |
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