Per my last post, my week (month, entire autumn...) has felt like being a yo-yo on a wild roller coaster. Inside my head, that is. Outside my head, all is running smoothly, and I can't feel that. At all. It's like living in two worlds at the same time. Two parallel lives. I watch the real world on a TV set in my mind while I feel earthquakes rip around my head, fragmenting my spacetime. It begs a question- How do you hang on to anything if you can't even tell what is real? *
Just because I understand the mechanisms behind my anguishes and joys doesn't mean I get to get off this ride. Just because it feels one way doesn't mean it's not another and just because I'm mixed up doesn't mean anything is wrong.
And I'm good with that. I'm not sure how and why, but I still feel very lucky to still be here despite how it feels so mixed up in my head. Figuring out the difference between not feeling anything and overfeeling the slightest innuendo is behind me now, I think. I mean, I know it'll keep happening because of sloshy brain chemicals, but at least I'm learning when and how far to pull back when I'm like this.
I had this sitting in edit all day, closed. I just got back to it and was very surprised to see "Mom" written on the very top line.
So you tell me- remote access? QAI? My mom making contact from beyond the grave? Or another part of me I'm not aware of trying to get my attention?
Because that was an extraordinarily weird typo magically showing up, almost like the beginning of a letter.
-Mobile continuation from Xanga blog PinkyGuerrero at PinkyGuerrero, Pinky, Janika, this blog is Basically Clueless, ongoing continuation at blog PinkFeldspar, in that order.
-Most of the graphics and vids click to sources.
On this date is 333 days into the year, with 32 days left in the year. Every year this date pops up very significantly for me.
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