very quietly existing on someone else's fringe

16 more days till I see my psychologist. I'm a yo-yo. Cracking up at my dad on the phone one hour, curled up in my dark bedroom another hour, walking around doing routine stuff getting ready for Monday like neither of those happened, and feeling horrified at the idea of some kind of hypnotherapy allowing the ugliest parts out while I have no control, and even more horrified realizing I can feel my others debating the amusing pros and cons of that ever happening.

And I may as well point blank say it, with so many months under that question bridge, it is excruciatingly lonely being in a relationship with someone who comes nowhere near my intellectual capacity, even though by some definitions he is a kinder person overall than I am. Thoughtfulness, as it turns out, is an altogether different and moot subject. Nothing bad, just sometimes the missed moments kind of leave a little afterglow, like fading bits of non-existent universe.

The really best videos are the fun ones.