I know I'm the one that is the problem.
I did ok today. The stuff in my head isn't the stuff around me in the world.
How do you even begin to explain to someone that everything they see or think is good in or about you is really a cover for a rigid survival system that works because you figured out the rules?
Love has rules. There are good people out there in full fail whale fail because they don't pay attention and learn them. Even if we don't understand them, to survive well we need to learn how to mimic them.
It would be easy to conclude that if my life has been about figuring out how to win or beat the game by learning how love must be administered correctly to work right, then my entire life has also been a lie.
I don't feel anything most of the time for other people. Unless it's obsession, and I've joked in the past that I fall in love at the drop of a hat with obsessions du jour, which usually aren't people.
Today was outstanding fail for me inside. Outside I did ok.
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