sardonic

This whole springing forth at 3 a.m. thing is something I havent seen in a very long time. It started with me dreaming, a blank black dropping over, and a bolt of lightning like minecraft lighting in a dream, and then my eyes opened. No apnea or heart thumping, just wide awake and ready to boing out of bed.

I used to do that nearly every morning for years between 3 and 5 a.m. I had to make it stop when the kids moved in. My depression got way worse feeling tethered to their schedules. This last year has been especially horrible inside my head.

But today I feel fine. My freedom has returned. My space is mine again.

It really helps being able to go to real sleep when I feel like it. Kiddo used to come in and bounce on the bed telling me exciting stuff, which I tolerated well. What got annoying was her mom shooing her out and then flopping on my bed herself, and for me then, it was just awkward if she wanted to show me what she was shopping for on her phone. The clue never reached a light bulb in her head all this time.

I'm not good at gently kicking people out of my space and making it cute enough to be inviting maybe next time. Gives me a headache even writing that sentence out.

Anyway, I'm looking forward to more joyfully springing forth. Really praying she never breaks up with this guy.