sweet dreams

I was happy today. All day. It's so rare to be able to say that. Still on 2-2-2 gabapentin taper for a couple more days. Eating healthy, sleeping great. Flying through a cold barely even noticing it. Euphoric on a tiny xanax tether to keep me normal.

She was blond.

Today I can't feel the sad. It's a relief.

One thing other gabapentin patients don't mention on their hellish tapers is the weeping. Once the fluid retention unlocks, it comes out everywhere. I can tell I lost fluid from my face. My elbows and knee joints are readjusting to the fluid change. It's easier to breathe, even with a cold.

5 pounds of fluid have wept and sweated out of me in 3 weeks. I really thought my brain would be more of a mess after the hell the first two weeks were, but I think it's relieved, too. I can't help wondering if I went through a spinal fluid adjustment because for a few days I had an awful head and neck ache and was looking up viral meningitis symptoms. But that part is over now and this congested cold right now feels like a breeze by comparison.

Tomorrow is my yearly with endocrinologist. Gabapentin can affect thyroid hormones. Curious how that'll turn out.

Wanna see the conclusion from my stress test during hospital? Just came in.

I could put more, but that's basic conclusion. I have no idea yet if that ejection fraction is a problem. Have an echo scheduled in about a week and a half. This event monitor comes off in a week. It's the best one I've ever had, easy to forget it's even there.

For the first time in years I'm fixing my hair and using foundation makeup. I'm ready to change back to what I wanted to be before all the crap hit and my life spiraled out of control and then I crawled back out of disability during many, many hours with a grandchild. This month is the first month in 16 years (NOT KIDDING) that I haven't been wading through pain and depression and exhaustion up to my eyeballs every single day, and I think a lot of it was just plain grit. I'm so honed now on daily chores that I practically dance around the house. I had this vid blasting on repeat today getting supper cooked up when kiddo walked in and surprised me. Oh, nothing, just a crazy Russian prostitute set to one of the worst killers in comic history. Very energizing, though. I appreciate fans amusing me.

I realized after I ran into this vid that my library card expired at least two years ago. My life needs serious restructuring.

Blogging from bed on my phone. Never dreamed I'd adapt to this and here we are, tapping words out one letter at a time in between dropping my phone on my face. Wonder if I can write books this way...

Guess I need to let this go.